Birthday 'Vette For Ursula!

Chuckwagon · Post by **Chuckwagon** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 02:01

A Birthday 'Vette For Ursula

My heart belongs to Ursula
Although we`ve never met.
Her birthday arrives tomorrow,
I bought 'er a red Corvette.

As I was leaving the dealership,
I thought I`d celebrate,
So I stopped in at waterin` hole,
And hoisted seven or eight!

When I left, I had the urge,
To find the cops and moon `em!
So I drove the `Vette right past their place,
And dropped my pants to swoon `em!

They cursed and swore and gave me chase,
I thought they`d shoot me dead,
Then I remembered I had a `Vette
And I sort of lost my head.

I put the pedal down to the metal,
That beast just screamed and roared,
It pulled me far back into the seat,
But my foot just kept it floored.

The `Vette spun tires and made blue smoke,
It moved just like the wind;
Next thing I knew, I was miles away,
But upside down and pinned!

I bailed from jail and payed the fine,
The `Vette was a total loss;
Next time I try to moon the cops,
I won`t be on the sauce.

I`ll sober up and apologize,
To my sweet girl down-under;
Her birthday `Vette is just a mess,
And so is her "Boy-Wonder"!

~~~~~~~ Happy Birthday Ursula!

CrankyBuzzard · Post by **CrankyBuzzard** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 03:43

Good one CW!

Now, get off the sauce and make her some sausage to send over as an apology!

Have a great birthday Ursula!

Charlie

ssorllih · Post by **ssorllih** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 04:07

no Charlie, We must make the sausage and use Chuckles as the courier.

Post by **redzed** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 07:08

Geez, Robert Service has come back from the dead! Be afraid, be very afraid!

Chuckwagon · Post by **Chuckwagon** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 07:13

Cranky Buzz-O,
We're all a little worried about you! Is everything okay and going your way? Are you still trying to make 3 and 2 equal 6? Shucks pal, you just can't pound a square peg into a round hole! So, conform ol' pard.... conform! Now...
I've got a question for you. If Ross had a 100 marbles and lost 89 of them to Bubba in a crooked and corrupt, maffia-based, shady and questionable, "set-up" marble game, then how marbles has Ross lost?

Yeah sure,

and if.... if... Cranky Buzzzzard sat in his rocking chair, trying to enjoy his advanced life.... but suddenly fell forward, stumbling to the floor 2 feet forward!... and veering 5 inches to the left, THEN.... How far off his rocker is he?

Enquiring minds would like to know... (according to El Pato Loco!)

Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon

Bubba · Post by **Bubba** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:51

CW you are quite the writer, I enjoyed reading that!

Chuckwagon wrote:If Ross had a 100 marbles and lost 89 of them to Bubba in a crooked and corrupt, maffia-based, shady and questionable, "set-up" marble game, then how marbles has Ross lost?

We had a marbelous game!

Happy Birthday Ursula!

ssorllih · Post by **ssorllih** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 14:54

It has happened!! I have lost my marbles..

ursula · Post by **ursula** » Mon Feb 11, 2013 01:56

Thank you everyone for your lovely birthday wishes. What a whacky poem Chucky. I am touched. You have quite the literary flair. That was a lovely touch, and I had a great Laugh.
About that corvette....
My tastes are a little simpler.
But it's a nice thought.
You should see the price of petrol here. Our cars are dwarf sized to match our budgets.
I had a lovely birthday so thank you all.
Ursula

el Ducko · Post by **el Ducko** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 00:04

Hmmm... Assuming he fell forward, but not straight forward, contacted marbles at an unknown angle approximately 1 cm off the floor,..... carry the two... divide by the letter "R" to compensate for the draft, uh, daft, uh... allow the Australian version of the spell checker to change draft to draught, thus converting velocity into cubic pookymeters... throw in a couple of "sixths of a gill" (a gill, pronounced "jill," is an old English measure for Scots whiskey [built-in conflict already], defined by any competent tourist hotel bartender as "not nearly enough")...

Okay. Balance the parentheses, just in case there are any LISP programmers left out there, and the answer (according to Douglas Adams' "Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy") is:
:. . . . . . . . . . . .→ 42 ←. . . . . . . . . .:

For extra credit: What was the question? (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchh ... the_Galaxy)
Hint: It could have something to do with Ursula's birthday. ...or, like the rambling mess above... nothing at all.

Bubba · Post by **Bubba** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 02:22

el Ducko wrote:Hmmm... Assuming he fell forward, but not straight forward, contacted marbles at an unknown angle approximately 1 cm off the floor,..... carry the two... divide by the letter "R" to compensate for the draft, uh, daft, uh... allow the Australian version of the spell checker to change draft to draught, thus converting velocity into cubic pookymeters... throw in a couple of "sixths of a gill" (a gill, pronounced "jill," is an old English measure for Scots whiskey [built-in conflict already], defined by any competent tourist hotel bartender as "not nearly enough")...

El Quackoritis, you make me laugh and have an incredible sense of humor!

el Ducko · Post by **el Ducko** » Tue Feb 12, 2013 18:50

You're very kind. Most people think it's a result of a steady (but excessive) diet of sausage and beer.
...which, come to think of it, couldn't be all THAT bad, could it? (Don't answer that!)

Chuckwagon · Post by **Chuckwagon** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 01:46

Shucks Duck, I thought it was because you ate lead paint chips as a child, or you were dropped on your head intermittently.

ssorllih · Post by **ssorllih** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 02:24

No ! It was those fifty yard wind sprints in a forty- nine yard gym that did it. I introduced him to that fitness routine.

Bubba · Post by **Bubba** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 02:39

Hmm, I'm starting to lean towards El Quacko having been exposed to Asbestos maybe. Time to call the EPA?

Or we could prop him up against a wall, spread the flippers and read him his Wedlinydomowe rights:-

* You have the right to make your own sausage.
* Anything you add or may want to add to an existing recipe will be used in the MRI.
* You have the right to consult CW before posting a topic and asking other members' advice.
* If you cannot make your own sausage, we will teach you this hobby, if you wish. (Does not apply to El Quacko because he makes good sausage)

* If you decide to tell us all your sausage making secrets now, you will still have the right to continue making your own sausage from here onwards.
* Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to continue making sausage?

ursula · Post by **ursula** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 03:05

There's no such thing as too much beer.
(Aussie theory)