Reasons to have a dog rather than a wife:
Dogs don't cry and they love it when your friends come over. They don't care if you use their shampoo and they think you sing great. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late, and in fact, the later you are, the more excited they are to see you! And dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs and they don't even notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play and they love red meat. Heck, they don't even mind if you give their offspring away. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor, and dogs can appreciate excessive body hair. Dogs don't hate their bodies, and they never criticize.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog and if a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. And they don`t shop! Dogs don't shop! And their parents never visit. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long and they never have to examine the relationship. And did I mention... dogs don`t shop? Yeah, and dogs like beer too! What`s more is no dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood and they agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across! Dogs never expect gifts and they don`t shop!
It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house and they don't want to know about every other dog you ever had! And dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs don't worry about germs and they don't let magazine articles guide their lives. And you never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. They have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry, and they don't borrow your shirts. They never want foot-rubs and they even find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public, they aren`t catty, and they can`t talk. Oh, and did I mention... dogs don`t shop?
