Howdy folks,
I reckon
bime-by, the
biscuit shooter must get back to tellin` windies and stringin' wizzers. Well pards, in all my born days, I reckon I`ve never known a more odiferous and well-ventilated tale than that of the
Ghost Stage from Red Rock, driven by "Bone Yard"
Touficbacha from
Tripoli and "Boggy Top"
Raquellprzepiora from
Chicago. Yup, these fellas handled the stage near El DuckO`s
"Texas hill country" driving the stagecoach from the Red Rock Station, down Whiskey Ridge, up Grubstake Gulch, through the Powder Keg Pass, and finally into the Scattergun Stage Stop & Taco Toxico Lunchstand - where the Stationmaster "Dynamite Sally"
apriljust (from the
Phillipines) packed the strong box and hoisted it to the top of the stage coach three days a week.
On Thursday last, hearing that "Curly Wolf"
sfisher (from
South Carolina) and his ruthless hold-up men were in the area, Dynamite Sally decided to catch the outlaws as they lifted the strongbox. Replacing the payroll with full bottles of nitroglycerin, she rigged them to detonate when the outlaws opened up the strongbox. However, that particular day, Bone Yard and Boggy Top stopped at the Whiskey Ridge Station and Thirst Emporium to take on a shipment of eggs - yes, cases and cartons and cartons of... eggs. And wouldn`t cha` know it... they were placed on top of the strong box... in the noon-day sun!
Meahwhile, inside the
Bent Brick Benzinery & Bodega, a beautiful dancing girl known as "Barb Wire"
momal from
Pakistan, was also heating things up herself, and as the temperature climbed, the instability of the nitroglycerin did as well. It was only a matter of time until the soaring temperature
or a small jar from a bump in the road would take the roof off the stagecoach! That "
bump in the road" turned out to be "Owl Hoot"
rogerdt from
New Abany, Indiana - Yes, yes... ,"Owl Hoot"
Rogerdt had been the "lookout" for the Curly Wolf
Fisher gang, but had fallen asleep in the middle of the road! He just couldn`t keep his eyes open any longer... after all, he`d gotten up at the crack of O`dark thirty having played poker all night long with "Hard Case"
Seadog from Washington who always dealt from the bottom of the deck! Now riding `shotgun` for the stage, "Bull Whacker"
Raquelprzepiora from
Chicago, Illinois didn`t even see ol` Owl Hoot Roger`s ol' carcass in the middle of the road.
"Lookout!" yelled Boggy Top at the last second. "Watchout", yelled Bullwhacker"! It was too late. What that nitroglycerin did to those eggs was simply thaumaturgical!
(yes, that's a word!) Now... according to two nearby drifting, singing cowboys from a bad, late-night, saloon band... the eggs blew up straight into the air hundreds of feet before shaping a mushroom cloud. The two cowboy eyewitnesses, "Buckaroo Bub"
RossD out of
Sydney, Australia, and "Horsefeathers"
Old Bones from
Minnesota later said,
"them there eggs just seemed to float in the air; p`shaw... like they never would come down." A little further down the trail, a wandering, four-flushin` card sharp by the name of "Greased Lightnin`"
jmoffatt out of
Louisiana, reported seeing the eggs actually being
cooked in the hot air rushing up from the vicinity of El DuckO`s house.
Moffatt reported that for hours, little "lighter-than-air egg omelets" drifted to the ground like October leaves.
Oh yes, the stage! Whatever happened to the stage? Well, what was left of it was pieced together again by two very skilled and patient artists named
Moxis from
Edinburgh, England, and
Jens from
Denmark. Now... some folks say that in their wildest dreams, they see - to this day... a
"Ghost Stage" charging around the curves on the trail near El DuckO`s house where bits and pieces of eggs can yet be observed being cooked by hot air and falling onto the plates of those willing to
"pan for their breakfast".
And that`s the way it really, really was!
Welcome to Wedliny Domowe all you new folks. Make yourself comfortable and pour yourselves some Arbuckles from that big ol' blue pot on the campfire over there....
We're glad to have you with us.
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon