John, that ol` muleskinner DaveZac is one of the most talented people I`ve ever known. He makes his own everything! I`ve even tasted his hand crafted maple syrup and it is awesome. The guy makes his own meats of all sorts, sausages, wines, raises chickens and other animals, and on top of all that, he`s active in his church and is raising a fine family. Now how`s that for having a few brandin` irons in the fire? Right now, he`s being a little hard on himself because he thinks he botched his fermented salami. (He doesn`t realize it will continue to dry and be pretty good after a bit more time.)
I`ve tried to get Dave to run for President for a couple of years now. Shucks, I`m votin` fer` him whether he runs or not! Ol` Dave used to work in my neck of the woods. I wish he`d come back. He and I were the dudes who showed John Wesley Powell where the river was! Why... Dave and I used to fight off the grizzly bears, using rattlesnakes as bullwhips, while standing in a canoe in class IV rapids!
Alas, his latest batch of Polish sausage looks terrible. Absolutely horrid! Why... just look at the second layer! It looks like maple wood... and the bottom layer looks like some kind of marble. And just look at those sausages on top - they have peculiar "bends" in them. Hmmm... I`d better have him box up the entire batch and send it to me for a "second opinion".

Of course, I`ll have to taste some of it... well, maybe a lot of it... well, perhaps most of it... just to make a properly methodical, precise, and meticulous scientific determination. On second thought, as I am just a pepperoni proletariat, I just may have to consume all of it in order to present my uh... my... uh... crackerjack technical findings. ahem... ahem...

OOOooooo, what is that odor?
Best Wishes,
Chuckwagon